no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
