I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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