I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
