So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
