i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
