D3 body, D1 cock
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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