Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
