He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
