I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
