I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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