You were right. It hurts to walk today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
These tits shall not be calmed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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