I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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