By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
