Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
