i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
