I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
