he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
