I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize