After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
