why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
