Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
