Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
