I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
