Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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