Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
