Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize