I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
