If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
