Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
