I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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