the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
