Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
