I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
