Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
