Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
