I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
