You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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