shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
