Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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