I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
