i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize