well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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