mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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