At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
