I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
organizing the empties. That sober.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
