I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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