i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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