I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
