The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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