babies were throwing up all over the place
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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