mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
