whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
