You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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