Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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