i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize