I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
