I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
