I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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