so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
