he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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