FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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