Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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