No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
