He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
