Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
