you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
