its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
