I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
