You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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