Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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