roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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