Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
