Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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