I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
