just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize