weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
