How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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