When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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