We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
