I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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