I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Drunk is not a location!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
