is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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