I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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