I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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