He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
