Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
