you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
