you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
