Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
