My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
