You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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