I'm gonna have a badass scar
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
